IQ Tips

IQ Tip: Out of the Mouths of Babes

Written by Kim Allen Thursday, 16 February 2012 12:03

When my son first started to talk, it struck me as odd that he learned to say no long before he learned to say yes. Maybe this is true for many toddlers because they hear no more often. But whatever the reason, when we were little we, too, probably had little difficulty letting people know exactly what we didn't want to do.

Then we 'grew up' and learned to say yes when we really want to say no. I wonder what changed. Perhaps we now worry that no might cause others to think badly of us or imply we're shirking responsibility. Maybe we say yes because we see ourselves as indispensable or believe others won't or can't do it right.

What we don't realize is saying yes to one thing often means saying no to something else. And many times we're saying no to what we need to do to take better care of ourselves. At the end of the day, we over-extend.

The irony is when we agree to do more than we can handle we probably don't do it right anyway. And even if we do, we end up exhausted from doing it all or resentful for having to do something that cuts into what little time we have for ourselves. And how many times does a yes limit someone else's opportunity to learn and grow?

Most times we have a choice. If you think you may be saying yes more than you need to, ask yourself first what are you saying no to? Then practice the art of what I call the 'coherent no': Heart focus. Heart-focused breathing. Heart feeling.* No. When no is truly better for you it is better for everyone else.

Take care,
Kim Allen